Let's take it from the top..

In response to:I'm having an affair..

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 23:14:06 +0200

First of the rules ever - never have romance at work, no matter with single or married guy. Just never. It makes your life complicated, putting you in stupid and embaracing situation when the truth came up, and might end in loosing the job. Is it worth ? great sex, feeling emotionally dizzy, and other butterflies.. pretty sweet, but as you see, mens are bloody liers! I keep the light of the hope for you, as long as you realise there's nothing about that relation worth to play. Just end it. Get rid of this guy as fast as you can. When the wife and children are involved you just cannot win. Believe. Good luck.

In response to:I'm having an affair..

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:30:36 +0100

I have a major problem. This guy (my senior manager, but not my boss) and i have become really good friends. I have been helping him out with some personal problems (nothing to do with his family) but things have started to change. Weve been emailing and stuff outside of work, and then suddently he tells me that he loves me, will leave his wife and kids for etc etc. Im 21 and he's 48 ... i really love him, wanna be with him, every second of the day. But what should i do??? I've told him, that his dreams can never happen, even if he does really love me, after all he has a family and i have a boyfriend of 2 years. THE REAL PROBLEM IS I REALLY LOVE HIM TOO ... WHAT DO I DO. He text's me all day and I love receiving his charming comments. Sometimes i get all defencive and tell him that it's wrong, but deep down i feel bad. HELP ME! p.s. he has also told me that he wants to take me on holiday, and someone at work i believe is onto us ... not that nothing has officially happened yet!

In response to:Happy New Year? Maybe..

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 00:15:22 +0100

the fact that we don't hear from you, does it mean that all is well now, and that you don't need to write. Or do we need to worry? Just let us know you're ok

In response to:Happy New Year? Maybe..

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 21:39:10 +0100

maybe this will be a start for a new year. So maybe happy new year is the right thing to ask for you. All the best

In response to:Happy New Year? Maybe..

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 19:34:39 +0100

Good on you. Sounds to me like he might end up with no job, home or family. Keep your chin up doesn't matter what workmates think - anyway sounds like he's a nasty piece of work and I think people will be sympathetic to you.

In response to:Don't know what to do

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 03:56:43 +0100

You DO have the guts to use it.

He says that to play mind games with you. He's pressing buttons. He's feeling desperate, so he's using what he feels he has - power over you.

That power is all in //your// head. And you //can// break that. Of course you're scared - who wouldn't be, in your situation? That's not a reason for you to feel powerless - it's even more of a reason for you to do something about this.

Seriously.

Why is he threatening you? For the simple reason that you are NOT the only one feeling scared - he feels scared, too. But with even more reason than you - he //should// feel scared, because //he// is in the wrong.

In response to:Don't know what to do

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 09:14:29 +0100

it's a new year, and you have not written for 2 weeks. How are you.
It's a new year, if things are still bad, get some courage, go to someone elder, let them help you
You are right, he is wrong
you have the evidence
you have nothing to lose
go use it
he will lose his job, at least
he will have to come crawling asking forgivness, at least
you will have to decide if you continue or not
but let him feel the fear. Get someone to help you
make it a happy new year

In response to:Don't know what to do

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 02:29:24 +0100

I don't know what anyone else who's been reading your posts thinks about this - but really hon, it's time to involve someone else, whether it's at the company or the police - it's harrassment and abuse...

In response to:Dare to dare..

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 23:52:14 +0100

Yeah, thats something i've had in my head a lot. All those magazines you read and those news stories you hear.. I'm just scared they won't take me seriously. That they'll think i'm just a stupid little girl or something. And if he found out i'd gone to the police.. thats far more scary then anything else..

In response to:Dare to dare..

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 14:51:51 +0100

You should follow through with what you've said: go to the Police and show them the threatening texts. Or go to his boss and show him. He is a real scumbag and a bully.

I'm so worried about you: and you need to photograph those bruises if anything happens again. I keep on thinking about all those women who were killed by their exes. I know I'm a bit of a drama queen, and I know that when it is happening to you, you think you can cope with the violence. But please be careful: if he sets off again, get the Police involved.

In response to:Dare to dare..

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 09:45:26 +0100

Oh yeah.. thats how i see it, anyway. Prat.

In response to:Dare to dare..

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 03:18:49 +0100

so he's carrying on with the mind games then?

In response to:I'm having an affair..

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 03:00:37 +0100

you can do what you are thinking in many ways, he just thinks that he has power over you and is leading you on a bit cos he tyhinks he is much greater and could possibally get you fired for telling, but there is no way he can do that, people like this you just have to play them at their own game

In response to:I walked out!

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 20:36:16 +0100

I'm so glad you were able to tell your friend, and not have to go through this alone anymore. That took real courage, and so did confronting him. Lets hope that will be enough and that you won't have to tell his family. So proud of you :)

In response to:I walked out!

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 19:18:15 +0100

You are brave!

In response to:Last Part

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 19:16:06 +0100

you are getting strong. Keep up!

In response to:Part 2..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 19:00:52 +0100

4. I don’t know what your background, where you live, where you work and what’s your upbringing like. But in England nowadays, if someone think you a w*** for that, let it be. It is much more common and acceptable than you can imagine.

6. if he threaten to hit you again, this is a matter for the police. Men know that women are too afraid to use it. But this is your right, and in many ways your obligation. Simply tell your best friend about it, this is your insurance policy. Then just tell him that if he touches you once more, you go straight to the police. And when you say it, mean it. You may save the girl who is going to be in a position after you. If you disagree and he forces you its rape, and this is 7 years in jail. You have rights, know what they are. Be strong about it, as hard as it can be.

9. You can be strong. Anyone can. Believe me, I know a lot about being stronger than you ever believed you can be. Just find this strength in you.

If you need support you can also call Women’s Aid free number: 0808 2000 247. They should be able to help you, or at least support you. This is exactly what they do, and it sounds like you could use the help

In response to:I walked out!

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:23:20 +0100

I wouldn't stoop to his level by telling his family - I think you'll have called his bluff, time will tell but at least you've got that ammunition if needs be!

In response to:I walked out!

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:55:10 +0100

Good for you. You've taken a really positive step here and you were brave to do that. Try and maintain the momentum.

In response to:I walked out!

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:53:40 +0100

You probably won't have to go through with the threat of telling his family. Chances are you've got him worried enough to leave you be. You will look more dignified (and mature) if you can avoid telling his family.

In response to:Part 2..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:21:16 +0100

1. I'm not thinking in that way.. the age gap and the fact he's my boss aren't my problems.. it was once i knew about his wife this started.
2. Yeah.. thats part of the reason i'm still staying..
3. Hah.. he fully consented.. he instigated it!
4. It would reflect badly on me though! No matter what, someone wil lthink 'what a wh*re, she slept with a married man etc.
5. I'm not worried about hurting him. He's hurt me one too many times for me to feel any regret.
6. Thats the problem.. hes threatened to hit me again, nad thats the big reason i'm staying.. fear..
7. Yeah.. that just scared me.. and i don't want to end up suffering for the rest of my life because of stupid mistakes.
8. I'm doing that a lot more now.. putitng myself first rather then thinking that i have to please.
9. ..That's the one thing i don't feel i can be..

Thanks for your input :) It wwas pretty helpful, even if you think it wasn't.

In response to:Last Part

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 13:53:33 +0100

OMG, this man is scum! He has abused his position and is old enough to know better. HOWEVER, don't ever forget that you now have power: you could tell his wife. I'm sure you never would, but he doesn't know that. If he threatens anything or is nasty, remind him how bad his life could become if you were to blab. Obviously, you'd then lose your job, but still....

I really hope it works out for you.

In response to:Last Part

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 12:21:46 +0100

Good for you. Keep it cold and impersonal don't let him wear you down.

In response to:I'm having an affair..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:33:03 +0100

I think anyone who could cheat on his wife and kids is a b*stard. He's lied to you from the start by not telling you he was married and he sounds like a manipulator. Give him the boot and if he does threaten your job then you've got the trump card cause you can threaten to tell his family. You can always get a new job but he can't replace a lost family.

In response to:Part 2..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:29:37 +0100

I disagree. From what she describes, she must not play game. She should make a point and stop the relationship at once.

In response to:Part 2..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:28:12 +0100

This sounds really bad. I have seen such work situations many times and let me share some of my experience, if its worth anything at all:

1. If you want to have an affair with your boss 20 years older than you are, it is your right. No one can tell you if it’s good or bad. This is just your decision
2. If you have a relationship because you are intimidated, this is bad, get out of it
3. Your boss is 41 you are 19, under no circumstance he can claim that you made him do it. Can he claim “she pinned me to the table and raped me” most unlikely. So however it started he was a willing participate
4. Will he tells the stuff and your friends? He is married. You can just as well tell him that you will tell them first. Just think about your friends starting talking behind his back: “she is screwing the boss” It will reflect much worse on him than on you. You are young and single, that what you should be doing after all.
5. He is 41, and having an affair, so yes he’ll get hurt. But this is something that you know whenever you start one. At the age of 41, much better than at the age of 19, you are much better equipped to handle this pain and hurt. Don’t worry about that, he will survive.
6. He hit you once? Get out of the relationship immediately! You are holding all the cards. You can tell your friends, his wife the police. There is nothing he can do abut it.
7. The earlier you learn this, the better the rest of your relationship will be. After all, emotional blackmailing is something most of us have experienced. The earlier you learn to handle it, the better your chances are to have better future relationships. (http://ranfuchs.blog.co.uk/2007/12/09/the_tragedy_of_relationships~3416496) Some people never learn, and stay in relationship they suffer, completely missing their lives.
8. So simply think what you want, and do it. Don’t think for him. Think for yourself
9. and be strong

In response to:I'm having an affair..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:30:12 +0100

hah, don't you think i've done the evil thinking moment? If i could actually DO what i'm thinking, that would help.

In response to:Part 2..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:28:56 +0100

Lol! I think most want that >.>

Well, your 'ridiculous perspective' is fine :)

In response to:Part 2..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:24:28 +0100

I tried that. Once. And he got really really aggressive.. hit me.. I know that was a fear reaction, but i'm scared of getting that again.

In response to:Part 2..

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:20:27 +0100

Well.. he's made me think he's told other members of staff.. and their my friends and I know he would twist it so it's all me doing this. Then it's just.. the way he talks to me at work if i don't do as he wants. I hate being talked to like a piece of.. poo.. but he plays on that. And i get scared that i've really hurt him, go to his office, and he knows hes won again. He hit me once too.. but to be honest i'm not afraid of that.. physical evidence and all that..