I'm so confused right now.. and i feel all scared and het up and just.. damn scared.

I was pretty scared to go to work today (as anyone who read my previous post can understand) but i felt like.. he would know i'm scared that way, and i don't want him to win. So i went in. Things weren't too bad, as for once i was PAing a different boss (executive director of all people.. oooh).

This evening though, i left late because i was PAin the executive lady, and that meant i couldn't get my normal bus. I had to wait another hour, so i went inside have a coffee and get a chance to read the book i'm reading (Atonement - Ian McEwan).

.. I didn't know he would be there. He just appeared from nowhere. I was so glad there were other people around (not in the room, but in adjoining offices, with glass panels between, so they could see if he hurt me). He started saying stuff into my ear.. horrible stuff that i don't want to think about, about what he would do if i got caught on my own with him. I couldn't take it, i pushed him away, got up. I don't think i've ever been as angry and upset as i got tonight.

"Your not the one that has control of this. I do. I have bruises, i have your texts, i have all sorts of evidence to prove you've been threatening me.." He grabbed my arm, hard enough to really hurt, nad twisted it. All my anger and confidence just.. vanished.. I felt like a little girl again, and i just crumpled. And you know what he said into my ear? "You might have all that.. but you don't have the guts to use it." then he walked out.

My arms really hurting.. and i just feel so stupid.. he knows now that i'm still scared.. and he can still stop me. Stupis, stupid me..