Easy to despair, when all you hear is fear and lies
Easy just to run and hide, too frightened to begin
But if we dare to dare, don't wait for answers from the skies
Each of us can look inside, and hear this song within

.. yeah, that's Leon Jackson's song (Cmon the Scots!).. that particular part means a lot to me at the moment.

So, moving on, update. I went to stay with my family up in Scotland over the weekend.. lucky i'd had this planned really, this was just what i needed. Being back on the hills with all the snow and that made me see things clearly for the first time in a bit. I left my phone behind for the whole weekend.. and when i came back Sunday night, there was about 25 messages on my home phone, 24 on my mobile, and (wait for it..) 73 text messages! And guess who almost all of them were from..

I deleted the voicemail messages, but i read some of the texts. He'd been getting drunk, i could tell. His spelling got worse and his threats got worse. To be honest, at that point, i didn't care. He could do what he liked..

I didn't feel like that this morning though.. i was going to have to face him sometime today, i knew that. I deliberately went in just on time, so that he wouldnt have a opportunity to catch me on my own. I text my friend to say i was in work, nad she text me back: 'Tell me straight away if he does anything.. i'll knock his block off for you'.

Anyway.. up until lunchtime, all was good. But then i went and had lunch at the canteen, and on my way back he cornered me. "You ignored me all weekend!" I told him, calmly as i could, that i'd left my phone at home all weekend, and that i'd been out "Don't lie to me!" Normally, i'd be scared by that.. but honestly, now that i've stood up to him, i see him for what he is.. a kid in a man's body, whos been caught with his ahnds in the metaphorical cookie-jar and is now trying to get out of it.

H easked me if i'd told his wife. I almost laughed; surely he'd have got a bullocking if i'd told her? He turned on the charm then, trying to get me to come back onto his side; telling me he'd dump her for me and everything! i just told him to leave me alone; that i wanted nothing more to do with him in a personal sense, and that if he tried anything again, i'd be straight on the phone, to his wife, and the police. I've got bruises to back up what i can claim, so..

He let me go, but i got a text about 7pm tonight, and it bloody scared me. 'You can act all brave at work, little girl, but once i get you somewhere where your truly alone, i'll have you begging to be back with me.' He did it from a different phone, but i knew it was him. Why can;t he just leave me the hell alone?!