Let's take it from the top..

I found out he had a wife in September. I only found out because I went to stay at his house. He went to get a bottle of wine and his phone bleeped. He had a text message. I read it, only because i felt suspicious (he'd been keeping his phone close to him all day). It read: Sorry I cant b there babe. keep the bed warm 4 me. xx'. When he came back, i confronted him with it, and he admitted he had a wife, children, and that there was nothing wrong in their relationship. I asked him why he was doing this then, nad he replied 'Because I wanted it. I like getting what i want."

Since then, i've tried to break it off. Every time i try to put space between us, he makes me scared and i come running. Whenever i threaten to dump him or walk, he makes me feel.. small, weak. I know i'm a timid thing.. but for heaven's sake, staying because i'm scared is almost cowardly.

I've met his wife and kids as well.. once at his birthday party, nad once at the christmas party. His wife is beautiful, and really lovely to me.. And both his kids are great too. The boy is my age and, if not for my situation, i'd really like him; he's a genuine, sweet guy, and he walked me home on the night of the christmas party.. I wish i hadn't got myself into this..

I met Him when I was 17. i started working for his company as a assistant to the receptionist, so I was really low down the foodchain. I was also a very quiet person back then. The most I could say was "Hi, Mr ..." Before ducking back behind my desk.

I made friends quickly there, with some girls that were just a little older then me, and we would gossip about the normal topics girls discuss (guys, music, guys, clothes, guys..) and once we talked about the boss. All the other girls agreed that, if they could, they would spend a night alone with him. He'd managed to get every girl in the place hot for him.

Anyway.. the main receptionist left, and I took over. Things were normal at first; I continued to be shy around other people, in particular the boss, and repeatedly embaressed myself. But then something changed.. He started to come in earlier, and come over and talk to me in the mornings, when the others weren't around. It took me a while to work it out, but I finally realised he was flirting with me. Then he invited me out; after work, just to a bar. You don't want the sordid details, i know but.. one thing led to another. And then it happened again the next day. And again. And so on, for about two weeks. I knew it was just sex, but it felt.. right.. I'll continue this on some other time, depending on if anyone's interested..

That wasn't just a attention-grabber. That was the truth.

Well.. not 100%, since it's not me that's cheating on their partner, but i'm half of the affair. In case you couldn't tell from my age, i'm 19, and the man with whom i'm having an affair is 41 years old. He's also my boss. I know, i've really put my foot in it.

I didn't know he had a wife until it was too late to stop it. He had never worn his wedding ring at work (I now know that was done on purpose), and I guess i just thought.. he wouldn't lie.

So, yes, anyway.. i'll never say his name, his wife's name or his children's names (he has two children.. their both my age!). If i need to refer to them by name, i'll use the first letter of their name. I just feel like I need to get out my frustration about it all somehow. I want to get out of this situation, because I feel bad, but I feel stuck.